The Sugar Show

Girl, Give Yourself Some Grace!

December 11, 2022 Shannon "The Sugar Mama" O'Brien Episode 60
The Sugar Show
Girl, Give Yourself Some Grace!
Show Notes Transcript

With the holidays coming at us like a freight train not only is it our busiest time of year, but our clients’ as well. And sometimes those conversations in the treatment room can have you double checking to make sure your certification says “licensed esthetician” not “licensed therapist”

As beauty professionals, we’re often the definition of “self-care” for our clients, but it’s far to easy for us to forget to take care of ourselves.

This problem is so much bigger than just a season, which is why today I’m gonna get real with you about what it means to truly give grace, ways to give grace to others, and maybe most importantly giving you the permission to give grace to yourself.


  • A better understanding of what truly defines “grace”
  • Nine ways you can start incorporating grace into your day-to-day routine (number 5 might be hard to hear)!
  • My top 5 tips for giving yourself grace even when it seems so hard!

If you’ve connected with or been inspired by this episode in any way,  leave us a reviewand let us know your biggest takeaway - this was a heavy one, and I can’t wait to hear how you’ll be giving grace this holiday season! And while you've got your phone out, make sure to follow us on Instagram @Love2Sugar.

Want more? Download the
Love2Sugar App for your one-stop-shop for all things sugar and join The Sugar Tribe while you’re there!

If you’ve connected with or been inspired by this episode in any way, leave us a review and let us know your biggest takeaway - I’d love to hear how you embrace Sugaring For All!! And while you've got your phone out, make sure to follow us on Instagram @Love2Sugar.

If you are interested in learning more about Radeq Lab's Premium Prebiotic Sugar Line of products, you can find them at

Cheers to your Sweet Success!


The holiday season is supposed to be a joyous and loving time of the year where we happily stroll the shops SIP hot cocoa, and snuggle by the fire with our loved ones. Our gifts magically wrapped themselves a beautiful Insta worthy meal is prepared on a Pottery Barn perfect table, in the joy of the holidays, melts our hearts like a Hallmark movie. Are you an SDR Cosmo, that is chuckling at that vision and rolling your eyes like that doesn't even sound ossible well, for beauty practitioners, that has become the most crazy time of the year. Because not only are we expected to create holiday magic for our family and friends, but for our clients as well. We need to not only make our clients look and feel 10 years younger, but we take on the stories and stresses in each of their lives every half hour with each client that hops up on our table. Now this episode has a holiday intro. But it also is appropriate year round. To not only give our clients but ourselves a little grace. Welcome to The Sugar Show. I'm Shannon O'Brien, body Sugaring expert and licensed esthetician who has taken my own skincare business from zero to multiple six figures and has helped over 3000 students learn how to do the same. Now let me tell you it wasn't all that long ago that I lacked the time budget and knowledge needed to grow my small business as a body Sugaring Pro. If we were to press rewind, you'd see the many failed attempts and lessons learned that have helped me build the profitable business that I have today. When that runs on its own, it gives me the lifestyle and freedom that I only used to dream of. I created The Sugar Show to hand you my secrets and give you the simple step by step strategies to help you do the same. So if you're a cosmetologist or esthetician or wax professional, who's looking to fill your books, make more money in your business and enjoy greater balance between your work and home life. You are in the right place. Let's dive in.


What is the definition of grace? Well, it's to extend compassion, kindness and patience to someone even if they don't expect it, deserve it or likely to give it back to you. So here are some things that I want you to be mindful of when it comes to grace. So number one is your words. In a time of craziness, when we're inside our treatment room, I would love for you to consider your words to be gentle, and kind in what you say and how you say it. So to take a breath before each treatment, when you come out and engage with other staff members or your boss or your your staff. And really be mindful of your words. And taking a breath before you say anything with a knee jerk reaction or with with a lot of energy around it. giving grace is just thinking about your words before the use view them.


I want you to think about the competition in your area. And sometimes that how that makes us feel and check in with your fields about not only maybe the competition of the girl that's in the room next to you, which I hope we're all working as a team. But maybe the shop that's down the street from you, or even someone that you see on socials, you know, are you feeling threatened by someone else in the same space that you are? Maybe that sugar business downtown or someone who's done some cool socials and you feel anxious or anxiety or jealousy around it. Check your fields give it some grace, because there's plenty of business to go around because we as sugar drivers need to rise up together instead of competing. You must especially give each other grace and realize when sugar sisters are promoting themselves. We all benefit. We want clients to be asking for sugar. We want our town to have multiple options. Awareness is critical to all of our success if you see that social girl that's rockin the reels are she's got this many tick tock followers and you feel that kind of anxiety or maybe jealousy about him or her. Take a breath. Give it some grace, some compassion and kindness and say you know what? That's actually helping our industry because we are not in competition with each other. We are in competition with the other forms of hair removal that clients are trying that aren't as amazing as sugar. Okay,


Number three, I want you to let it go and respond to others with a kind spirit. So for example, if you have colleagues or staff members that are difficult when clients come in cranky and complaining, let it go. We can't know what others are going through throughout their day. If they are cranky, do things, show compassion, and don't respond with the same energy. Make a note of those folks and set your boundaries. Because honestly, if we are constantly holding on to this stuff, it's going to affect our clients, it's going to affect our business overall. And if we take it home with us, it's going to affect our family and friends. So Grace in these busy times, compassion and patience, huge. Okay.


Number four is being there. We want to be there because sometimes your presence is all that's needed to show someone that they're loved. Be there for them, try your best not to take on all of their stuff. But just be there. And listen, sometimes just listening and being quiet and allowing others to talk is all the grace that they need. And it really just slows us down and makes us not try to interject all of our stuff onto them.


Number five is big. It is forgiveness. And this is as it relates to Sugaring professionals, okay? Because we have a different job than a lot of folks do. Right. And I think that we need to forgive with kindness and understanding and without correction. The biggest area new esthetician is experience this is with this is clients who are late or don't tip. So let's break this down. I get asked all the time about clients who don't tip and what St should do about it. And my answer is to give them grace. So here's the thing. A tip isn't


an expected cherry on top for a service provided some clients automatically tip without a thought, some tip because they really feel like you didn't do a good job and went above and beyond. And those who don't tip, they don't for a few reasons. Either. They don't tip for anyone. They don't have the money to tip. Or have you ever thought about maybe they saved up enough to at least get the service in the first place.


If they weren't tipped, if they weren't super pleased with your service, then you need to ask yourself did actually give my client and amazing service? Really look back? And be honest? Did you put called product on your client? Did you rush them in and out? Were you on your phone? Did you break hairs and not really catch all those little extra hairs? Did you provide them with any sort of love and affection as it relates the story they were telling you? Were you paying attention to the story they were telling you was your room super freezing and you didn't do anything about it. Some of those things can be when a client just says you know what, this really wasn't a good experience, and I won't be back. So every single appointment, be mindful of how you can be of service and give these clients grace because it is quite possible that you either need to do a little bit better, maybe there was some tension in the air between the two of you doesn't mean the client has to tip you. A tip is really for going above and beyond and ask yourself if you've done that. And remind yourself that if you know that you did everything there is to make that service amazing. Well, it's quite possible that they don't usually tip or if they usually tip you and they didn't this time, maybe they only had the $50 to cover that service and not a dime more. That's absolutely possible. And sometimes they just forget. And that's possible too. So give it grace, and understand check in with yourself and see how they are the next time because our clients come back every four weeks, so pay attention to what they do the next time. And it might just be I found out that some clients don't tip the owner. And when clients stopped tipping me was because they thought I was making all this money in the business. They didn't understand that I am a practitioner in that business as well. I'm not necessarily making all of this money. And a tip is as much appreciated by me as it is by any one of my staff. So a few things to think about instead of getting instantly angsty or upset about someone who does it tip. Now when clients are late when it take a breath and give grace first unless it's a virtual or they show up with a fresh Starbucks in their hand and clearly related


didn't care about your boundaries. Remember your boundaries and take a breath. And be clear that you have a lot of time to provide as much service and the time you have left with their treatment. But give grace first. And I promise you, you will always find out the real reason why they were late. So if they're late, you let them know, say it was a 30 minutes block of time they came in 10 minutes late. Go ahead and give them as best of a service in 20 minutes, 19 minutes as you possibly can. But don't let that next client, also be late because of the first client and just be really open and honest about it. If they're habitual set your boundaries charge that late fee. But if it's something that was just a one time deal, take a breath and have some grace. And catch up on a few other things like marketing or socials or even just cleaning up your room a little bit better taking a look around and redoing your your retail shelves. Be mindful and give grace and I promise you, you will make good use of that time.


Number six, learn to ask for forgiveness. When you are giving grace, I want you to really realize that sometimes you need some grace, you need to be


thinking about what it is that you need, and to forgive yourself. And to forgive others. Okay, be very, very mindful. Again, watch the way that you speak. Learn to say thank you and be so grateful for your clients, and let people know how much you appreciate them. Let them know that give that understanding and passion and kindness to your clients and say thank you, I will send a note all the time to someone who maybe made it said something that made my day at my 10 o'clock appointment, they'll say, you know, that's really been resonating with me, thank you for saying that in your appointment at 10 o'clock, and I'll shoot them a quick text. But let's be grateful for all of the clients that we have, whether they're a teensy bit late, or maybe they just didn't tip you today, we are grateful that we have them in the first place. Again, unless they're really abusing your kindness. All right. And lastly, take an interest, learn about others, ask questions, truly listen and care. Because I think sometimes when we get into that assembly line of service, we're churning and burning people in and out. And we're not taking a minute to truly understand what's going on for our client, and to ask about their skin. Okay, expect these things in return. But set those expectations realistically, when your client comes in, they are not necessarily asking how you're doing. And that's okay. Because they get to see you for 30 minutes. And in some cases, you are the only 30 minutes of peace that they get all day. So take a breath. And if someone always talks about themselves, maybe give them a little grace and understand that it might be because you're the only one that they feel comfortable with. Okay.


Now, the second half of this is giving grace to yourself. And you know, your intention is there that you ask yourself why is giving myself grace so hard. You know, you feel like you're running empty on Sundays, or you're being hard on yourself and the thought of giving yourself some grace. Sounds awesome in theory, but you are tired overscheduled or just in a season of not feeling enough. We push ourselves and we think that if our clients and our kids and our friends and our family are happy, then we must be doing some something right. And we give ourselves a quick Pinnock, quick tap on the back and move on to the next thing. I propose that in this next season of our lives, we do things a bit differently. We stop the survival mode and give ourselves a break.


Number one, don't be expected to be perfect. No one is. We see socials of businesses who might appear to be slaying all the things, when in reality they might not be not to say that all businesses on socials are faking it. But it's time for you to decide what winning looks like for you. Once you sit down and draw out what winning in your business will be.


How have how will you know when you achieve that? Does it mean three days booked? Does it mean? Every single day you're working six days a week and no lunch breaks and you're overdoing it and you've grinded too hard? I hope not. What is booked mean to you? Is it nine to two is at 10 to 8pm with a two hour lunch break for some workout time. How will you know if you have hit your success marks so


going into any new quarter, especially a new year, I asked myself what is booked like, and what does that mean financially for me, and in a balanced way for me, because we can't do all of the things. So schedule your time because you can work with your employer if you're an employee to schedule your time so that it makes sense. And when you're there, give grace and compassion and love, because that is your focus for that time. Okay, number two, it is okay to mess up. But really try hard to not make yourself feel bad. I have not always been a six figure esthetician killin it, I messed up a bunch. I messed up along the way. I was terrible at Sugaring. Don't feel bad. This is part of the journey, right? We don't all get born out of the womb and go to school. And now all of a sudden, we're amazing sugar professionals running a six figure seven figure business, right? That isn't necessarily how it goes. It's okay to mess up. Because in those failures, we will learn how to run that business or how to work in that business better.


Number three, give yourself permission to not do everything. You don't have to do acne, anti aging, Sugaring, Microblading, this facial, that facial have a boutique, have retail sales, you don't have to do all the things. Give yourself permission to say, You know what, I had to give myself permission a long time ago to just be really amazing and Sugaring. And that's what I do. And that's what I make my big money on. And I've partnered with someone who's really amazing at facials, or if partnered with somebody who's really amazing at Microblading, or whatever it is that their niche is, it's okay that I don't do it all. Because I promise you, your business will grow when you just focus on the things that you do well, and do them kick ass. All right. Number four, this was really, really hard for me, especially when I was in survival mode in the very beginning, which is never feel selfish for taking you time. And I really felt the beginning like it was my job to, you know, bring home the bacon and take care of my children. I was a single mom at the time. And I was really responsible for making sure that everyone in our area was sugar, right? Don't you sometimes feel like that, like, you know, we've got to make sure everyone's sugared. So, you know, this girl can't come until after work. So I've got to stay late for her or this girl can only come on Saturdays or Sundays. I know I don't work on the weekends. But for this person, I will because I want to make sure what they have. And next thing you know, you're working seven days a week, you're killing yourself and you are exhausted. And I promise you that your business will not run smoothly if you're not taking time for you.


All right. So even if that's a little bit of time in the morning, maybe taking an extra long lunch break and doing something for yourself. Or maybe it's absolutely doing no work on weekends, or maybe even just Sundays. But take time for you. It's not selfish, it'll actually be a business booster promise. And number five, do one thing a day that you are proud of?


Do you ever celebrate your wins? I mean, like, not just oh, I hit my numbers for the month or Oh, I got you know, 15 clients today. But even something small, like, you know, do you drink a gallon of water a day? Do you did you try a new technique that you were, you know, able to finally master on a few clients. They just slow down with each client and really focus on them and their sugar. Instead of catching up on the latest gossip, that's a win. If you focus on every single client that comes in and you never want to talk gossip, or the latest voting polls, or you know what's going on in town, that's a win if you go one whole day without spreading the gossip or one whole day without dish in the tea. Right? Write that down in your planner. Write down your wins because wins are more than you brought the money that you brought in at the end of the day or the week. Like when you lose weight and you have celebrate your non scale victories. Those are wins. And if you made time for yourself to eat lunch and have snacks, and maybe even take a walk at lunch, or get your social media all done for the week on a Monday, those are winds write those down in your planner. This isn't just about succeeding in money. It's time and grace and really just taking the time to acknowledge what we are so grateful for to be able to be estheticians you know when I used to be like twisty because I had all this laundry to do and it was like oh my god, I worked all day and now I have to do laundry. Well I got to


A place where I took a breath. And I just gave it myself some grace. And I just said, you know, Shan. All of these towels, equal bodies that were on the table equal money that is in your bank account. equal things that you can do for your kids is every single towel that is going into this, this laundry load, right? So I actually am grateful for the laundry that we can do. I give grace to myself, when I get twisty about having to do it late at night, and say, You know what, you're exhausted, get up a little bit earlier and do it tomorrow, it's okay. Or I'll do one load tonight. And just do the rest tomorrow, if I'm tired, cut yourself some slack. Give yourself some grace. And realize that if we don't start giving each other grace and giving it to ourselves, our clients are going to be all kinds of spun, and we're going to be irritated with them. Our kids or our family or our friends or the guy that cut us off, is going to make us just have angst. That's not good for them or for you.


All right, if somebody's got issues, if a client walks in, and they've got issues or somebody just cut them off, or they're running late, they were at the red light.


It takes your shoulders from up here, you can't see me if you're on the podcast, but I feel like my shoulders were up around my ears and just even mentioning some grace.


It just makes things so much easier. And really, truly will benefit you your heart, your stress levels, your clients, they'll notice the difference in you, your family and friends will notice a difference in you and you will notice a difference in you. So I hope that hope that was helpful for this holiday season. If you're listening to this in the summertime or the fall of whatever year you're listening to this. This is a year round thing. Grace is not just for the holidays, we need a little extra boost over the holidays as people are running like crazy. But really truly grace is a year round thing. And when you feel yourself


getting a little eggs, getting a little twisty.


Just take a breath and give it Grace and I promise you you will have a sweet year and a whole lot sweeter experience in your business and in your personal life. Take care and I look forward to speaking with you in the next episode.


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